Missing the Hogwarts Express


We were having some sushi near the Cardinals Stadium in St. Louis. It was too early to have a whiskey, so I ordered a beer.

The waitress nodded politely.

“Don’t you want to see his ID?” my brother asked the waitress. She looked at him, then looked at me, an eyebrow raised.

“You don’t have to,” I grumbled, hand in my pocket. She walked off.

I shot my brother a look, “thanks.”

He smiled. “You’ve been wanting someone to ID you for days, trying to help.”

“I know how you feel,” my cousin interjected from across the table. He was turning thirty soon, too. He looked younger than me though.

“A few weeks ago,” he told us, “I was at this bar and when I ordered my beer, I took out my ID automatically. The bartender just looked at it and said ‘does that make you feel young?'”

My brother whistled, “geez, that’s harsh.”

“I know!”

My mother, whose age is not allowed to be written anywhere in the known universe, looked from my cousin to me, “fuck you both,” she added.

I turned, opened my mouth–thought better of it.

“It’s just,” my cousin began, treading softly, “we’ve gone past our Hogwarts moment.

The waitress came back, setting down my beer. We ordered some sushi before asking, “Hogwarts moment?”

My cousin nodded. “Yeah, you know, when someone comes and takes you away somewhere magical or tells you about some magical adventure. The chosen one is never thirty. That guy tried to help with those books about magic college–”

“The Magicians?”

He nodded.

“But, even that was early twenties, I mean–what are thirty year olds good for in any book these days?”

We all thought for a bit.

“Falling in love?” My mother tried.

I sighed, “getting murdered.”

We brainstormed for a bit but never got much further than love and murder. By the time the waitress came back we were deep in thought. She placed the sushi down in front of us and paused. She looked down at me, my face fallen. She sighed.

“Would it help if I checked your ID?”

Not thinking, I looked up. “Could you take me on a magical adventure?”

Her face took a step back before the rest of her could react. “Uh–” she managed, before heading off to another table. I turned back to a frowning family.

“Looks like it’s murder for you then,” my brother said, before helping himself to some sushi.


17 replies to “Missing the Hogwarts Express

  1. haha, so Flash, that was once again a totally twisted story, which made me at first somewhat angry (I think all over 30), but then gave hearty to laugh. Books back and forth, (maybe you should really look at the discrimination of older people in books) everyone can be enchanted or fall in love when he wants to …. so that is said!
    The identity card has been successful came through the story. Hmmm, yes well and enchanting does not fold at each person you meet. A magical story to fall in love with!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You made a great success, especially, because the reader is really a bit horrified at the beginning …; ) … and the reaction of the narrator at the end brings the panic once again to a point. Absurd, since love and imagination have nothing to do with age, even if this is in books and films so pre-played. I find your story very successful!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. That gave me multiple chuckles! Some wonderful lines. I think my favourite is “Her face took a step back before the rest of her could react.” Or that killer comment “Looks like it’s murder for you then,” – implying no hope of love.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha thank you. I’m glad I could make you laugh. This one is based somewhat on a real life conversation. A waitress did really say that to my cousin once. I’d been out of the states a while when this conversation happened and apparently I looked much older than the time I was home before that. It was sobering haha


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