MINIATURE’S MONUMENTAL VICTORY

picture1MINIATURES MONUMENTAL VICTORY!

By BOB HALL

Staff Writer

On May 16, 1955, the Supreme Court issued its landmark Miniatures V. United States ruling, which declared that Miniatures are to be considered individuals.

The decision overturned the 1952 Supreme Court case: Darla V. Mengel’s Miniatures which ruled that Miniatures could not be considered individuals and therefore Darla could not be adopted by the Miniature of her mother.

There have been many individual cases in the interim but none that created as great a public outcry as Gerald Ford’s Miniatures. This has been attributed to several things: the cruelty of the miniatures original master, the court ruling that acquitted them of murder, yet guilty of suicide, in which the idea of them being individuals was introduced during the trial. However, many attribute their success to the Willy Guthrie song “Eight Davids” and his efforts to raise funds, providing the miniatures with their best chance at success.

Whatever the cause, they are Gerald Ford’s Miniatures no longer. Ten, Nine, Eight, Six, Five, Four, Two, and One met an erupting crowd upon exiting the offices of the supreme court yesterday evening. When asked for a comment, Melvin Bell, lawyer and spokesman for the miniatures said:

“My clients are happy to finally be free to pursue a life of their own. And, isn’t that what America is all about? Isn’t that the dream of every individual, The American Dream. Next we will work to make sure all miniatures have fair pay and healthy work conditions. Never again will miniatures have to endure the cruelty that has been inflicted on these poor individuals.”

Within an hour of the court ruling, the president released his miniature along with many other prominent politicians and celebrities. Joseph Mengel has not yet commented on the Supreme Court’s ruling. He has not been seen in the past few months and many believe he has moved Mengel’s Miniatures to China. Mengel, known for his part in defeating the Nazis during the war, has always held the stance that his miniatures are not slaves, that they are You, in the palm of your hand. If that’s true, then it’s about time we start treating ourselves with more respect.

THE END

Catch up on the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures here:

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Eight Davids

NOTE: This week is somewhat of an experiment for us. Each day we are using a new form of storytelling to tell the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures. (For anyone who wants to catch up, click the icons at the bottom of the page.) Today I am using a song. Because it is so short, I have written a bonus story today called “The Gravity of Eyes” which can be found on our Instagram page.

Eight Davids

by Woody Guthrie

The Fuhrer told me an’ the Master told me, too,

There’s all kinds of work that they can do:

Dry my dishes, sweep my floor,

And if they don’t do the dishes and they don’t sweep my floor

They’ll end up like Three, nevermore.

 

CHORUS:

So, One will work with a wiggle and a giggle,

And Two will work with a giggle and a grin.

And Four will work with a wiggle and a giggle,

And Five will work with a giggle and a grin.

 

My friends told me,

My brother told me, too,

Lots an’ lotsa work

That I can do

I can fix the lights

And wash the car

Do the laundry

Or fix the radio

But if I use my miniature

I won’t no more

 

CHORUS

 

The President said,

And my grandpaw, too,

There’s work, worka, work

For me to do.

I can paint my fence.

Mow your lawn.

But if I use my mini

Well, it shouldn’t take long. So

 

CHORUS

 

I tell Mama an’ Daddy,

Grampaw an’ Granmaw, too,

I tell my sister an’ my brother,

Lotsa work for me to do.

Tell my miniatures

Cause they’re me too

They won’t get tired and won’t grow old

And I’ll cut one’s throat so they don’t get bold

 

CHORUS

 

Six will work with a wiggle and a giggle,

Eight will work with a giggle and a grin.

Nine will work with a wiggle and a giggle,

Ten will work with a giggle and a grin.

With a wiggle and a giggle and a google and a goggle

And a jigger and a jagger and a giggle and a grin

 

Catch up on the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures here:

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The State of Maine V. Gerald Ford’s Miniatures

The State of Maine Versus Gerald Ford’s Miniatures

By Benjamin Davis

Characters:

JUDGE THOMPSON

BAILIFF

DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY

PUBLIC DEFENDER

CLERK

JURORS

ACT I

SCENE: Court room. Wooden tables and chairs, smooth and clean. The Deputy District Attorney sits at his table drinking a glass of water. The Public Defender is seated at a table on top of which sit One, Two, Four, Five, Six, Eight, Nine, and Ten in eight identical miniature chairs. The Bailiff is standing beside the full bench of jurors. He yawns.

Bailiff [in a commanding tone]: All rise. Department One of the Superior Court is now in session. Judge Thompson presiding. Please be seated.

Judge [with professionalism]: Good morning. Calling the case of the State of Maine versus Gerald Ford’s Miniatures. Are both sides ready?

Deputy District Attorney [with sincerity]: Ready for the People, Your Honor.

Public Defender [with sincerity]: Ready for the defense, Your Honor.

Judge: Will the clerk please swear in the jury?

CLERK: Will the jury please stand and raise your right hand? Do each of you swear that you will fairly try the case before this court, and that you will return a true verdict according to the evidence and the instructions of the court, so help you, God? Please say “I do”

JURY [with honesty]: I do

JUDGE: The opening statements will begin with the prosecution, you have the floor.

Deputy District Attorney: (walking to center stage). Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: the defendants are killers, plain and simple. The evidence in this case will show that on the twenty-second of November they, with malicious pretense, murdered Gerald Ford. You are going to hear testimony from Officer Morgan who arrived on the scene to find the little murderers sitting calmly, covered in the blood of an additional miniature. (pause).

You will also hear from the victim’s sister who will tell you about the environment created by these miniatures that trapped Gerald Ford in his home, in a state of fear, until the Miniatures finally decided to go through with their premeditated murder. The defense would have you believe that these miniatures are somehow incapable of committing such a crime. This is a lie. (pause.)

In the night, these miniatures went into the bedroom of Mr. Gerald Ford and inserted a ball of filth into his throat causing him to choke and die. This was planned. And as a man lay dead on the floor, did any of them try to go for help? To revive him? No. This was murderer plain and simple and the evidence will prove it.

(Deputy District Attorney sits and is replaced by Public Defender)

Public Defender [pacing]: Not only are my clients not guilty, they are the victims. Gerald Ford was a tyrant who abused his miniatures to the point where one, a miniature referred to as Seven, snapped and killed his master. And, even with the prospect of further abuse and hostility, the miniatures present here attempted to stop this crime and sadly, failed. The evidence will show that the only blood present on my clients was that of the murderer who, unfortunately died attempting to stop him in the act of murdering Mr. Ford.

Ask yourselves, what is more likely? That eight miniatures, who, with millions in circulation have never once hurt their masters suddenly became murderers? (pause). Or, that one, through the intimidation and fear created by Gerald Ford, snapped and murdered his master.

The testimony from Mark Dowe, a co-worker of the client, will show what really happened. He will tell you how Gerald Ford told his miniatures that he murdered one of their own, a miniature referred to as Three, who, in fact never even existed.

These miniatures were trapped in the twisted house of horrors created by Mr. Ford and after witnessing his murder and the accidental death of Seven they were too traumatized to move. Officer Morgan’s testimony will show that they were in shock when he arrived and that they came willingly. The prosecution has a case based purely on circumstantial evidence. There are no eyewitnesses to this crime. However, there is more than enough evidence to show that my clients are not only not guilty, they are the true victims here.

(Public Defender takes his seat. Everyone takes a breath.)

(Blackout and end of Act I)

Catch up on the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures here:

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Gerald Ford’s Miniatures

Seven stood next to the table leg, watching. Master Gerald tossed a balled up bit of ketchup covered wax paper to the floor. One of the other miniatures scurried over and scooped it up.

Master Gerald laughed.

Seven straightened his shoulders.

“Hey!” he called.

Master Gerald looked down.

“Yes?”

“Is there anything I can do for you Master?” Seven said, losing his courage.

Master Gerald scowled at him.

“I told you to sit and be quiet! You will do as I say or you will end up like Three!”

Seven sat down. That was always the threat.

Do the dishes or you’ll end up like Three!

Clean the garage or you’ll end up like Three!

Poor Three.

What did Three do to end up like Three? Seven wondered.

Of the nine of them, not one had ever actually met Three. They’d arrived in a set of nine; nine pancake-colored-paunchy-middle-aged-miniatures, lightly balding. Master Gerald had thrown a pile of shirts down. There were numbers on them. The number they picked up became their name. There hadn’t been a “Three”

At THE FACTORY, The Fuhrer had trained them to believe the word of their master without question. And so, if Master Gerald said Three was bad, he was bad.

“But what did he do that was so bad?” Seven asked Ten while Ten polished a pair of Master Gerald’s sneakers.

But Ten, like the rest, responded only with a fearful and warning glance.

Master Gerald had Seven working in the garage all week fixing up and sorting old junk.

The first thing Seven fixed was the radio. All week he listened.

It began to say all sorts of things Seven had never heard before. It talked about the spirit of liberty, the freedom of the individual and victory over tyranny. It said that the Fuhrer was a tyrant who’d been destroyed in the name of freedom.

Seven remembered how the Fuhrer had trained them at THE FACTORY. Always sitting on Doctor Mengel’s shoulder, barking orders.

Seven had not liked him then, though he never told. And, now that he knew The Fuhrer was what the radio called a tyrant, he knew, Master Gerald must be stopped.

He made his decision without telling the others. They wouldn’t understand.

He would bring freedom to them whether they liked it or not. The American Dream, the radio kept calling it.

He began gathering together as many bits of garbage as he could find and hoarded them under his mattress. It took weeks. Master Gerald enjoyed watching them work, waiting for opportunities to dole out punishments.

Then the day arrived. Seven had enough. He fashioned them together. Then, late at night, after Four returned from cleaning Master Gerald’s toenails, Seven strapped the ball to his back and snuck into Master Gerald’s bedroom.

He scaled the duvet and crawled onto Gerald’s chest. He held the ball high above his head and cried,

“FOR THREE!”

He plunged the ball in, deep. Master Gerald began to choke. His eyes snapped open. He jolted awake, sending Seven across the room. He saw Seven on the floor and went for him.

Seven scurried back out into the living room and hid under the table. The other miniatures stood on the table and watched as their choking Master lumbered around looking for Seven. They pointed under the table but, it was no use. After a few seconds Master Gerald toppled over and lay on the floor, dead.

Seven peered out from behind a table leg. He climbed onto Ford’s chest and looked up at the miniatures.

“THE TYRANT IS DEAD! FOR THREE, FOR YOU! FOR FREEDOM!” He cried up at the others.

They leapt off the table and approached Seven.

They tore him limb from limb.

Catch up on the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures here:

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Interview With Joseph Mengel

April 6th, 1953 – Following are excerpts from an exclusive KTAR interview with J. Howard Pyle and the CEO and Founder of Mengel’s Miniatures, Joseph Mengel.

JHP: Dr. Mengel, can you tell us what Mengel’s Miniatures represents?

JM: Yes, of course. It represents freedom. It represents fathers at baseball games. A work-day that ends when you walk in the door. It represents food on the table, homework done, a house in good repair, a family. A family together. It represents The American Dream.

JHP: At your core, you claim to be a service industry, but many have equated your business to slavery. Can you comment on that?

JM: The courts have spoken on our behalf in that matter. The President himself is one of our gracious customers. People just need to remember, these aren’t humans, or even individuals, they are you, in the palm of your hand.

JHP: Yes, but people have claimed their miniatures think and feel and exhibit all the qualities that we understand as human. Does that not make them human?

JM: Of course not, our miniatures are trained, perhaps too well, to make their masters feel as comfortable as possible. If that makes people feel empathy it only means, we have done our job well. At our heart we are here to serve, as are the miniatures. To make lives better and more meaningful. We want to make America great again, and our miniatures are the first step in that direction. We will give people the means to give themselves back The American Dream.

JHP: You talk a lot of America, but you yourself are not American. We also heard a rumor that a miniature of The Fuhrer himself is in charge of training these miniatures? Can you confirm or deny this?

JM: Well, yes, to understand you must have a little history. The Fuhrer was obsessed with creating an army of clones. He himself provided the genetic material for our first miniature. His intention was to create a full sized army. However, the technology can only produce clones up to fifteen centimeters tall. Past that, they die very soon. The Fuhrer scrapped the program but his miniature became an integral part of what allowed us to win the war. It acted as a spy and courier for the allied forces and single handedly brought information that ended the war. So, does the miniature of The Fuhrer still exist? Yes. Does he look like the Fuhrer? Yes. But, he is quite the opposite, he is a soldier, a patriot, he is a true American Hero.

JHP: Doctor Mengel, it has been a pleasure to chat with you here on KTAR radio. I encourage listeners to get out and enjoy life and if you just can’t find the time, order yourself a miniature, or two:

Catch up on the story of Gerald Ford’s Miniatures here:

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