Taking a break from city life I meander through a small village north of St. Petersburg. Passing a graveyard on my right I notice a man crouched over a small flame. I approach him.
“Young man, share my warmth?”
I shrug. I go and sit down.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, in Russian.
“Sorry, my Russian is poor, do you speak English,” I try.
He nods, smiling.
“American?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I live here.”
He frowns. “Why would you move to Russia?”
I sigh. “I just like it here.”
He stares at me a moment. His eyes are so dark, they stink.
“Uh-huh,” he manages.
I light a cigarette and look into the flames.
“Want to go to a wedding?”
I look up. “Huh?”
“A wedding. In the center there is a wedding, would you like to join me?”
“Why not,” I say standing up.
We make our way into town. The central square is filled with merriment. People dancing, singling, drinking. We join in the festivities and get very drunk. The man from the graveyard grows angry. He begins harassing the townsfolk, driving many guests away. When the party has fallen to only a few, he turns to me.
“Wait here,” he tells me. He walks to where the newlyweds lay. He pulls a needed and pricks each just below the ankle and drains them of blood. He drinks until his face is flush. I look on in drunken apathy, almost curious.
He comes back to me.
“Wha–what’d you just do?” I ask.
“I have consumed them. I am a vampire. In the morning they shall not wake lest someone were to take my blood and place three drops on each of their lips.”
“But that shall not happen, come, I must get back to my home before the cock and crow. I start walking then stop. Something is scratching at the inside of my ribs.
The vampire turns.
“What is wrong?”
I cough a little and shake my head. “Nothing, nothing. I am drunk.”
The Vampire frowns. “Well, let’s go, if I do not beat the cock, I will become nothing but ash.”
I stumble a little. Something tickles the back of my throat. I close my eyes.
“If you make me meet the cock,” The Vampire growls, “you shall regret it!”
I keel over. From my mouth a hand protrudes.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” The vampire cries, backing away. I vomit up the rest of the twelve year old boy who proceeds to burst into laughter. It echoes around the village.
The vampire looks on in horror.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble, aching in the dirt.
The cock crows.
** I wanted to try a bit of a mash up. Anyone who has read The Big Beautiful Cock will see the base material. I’ve been reading a lot of Russian fairy tales involving Vampires and they are styled a lot like this. I wanted to do some fairy tale/magical realism/comedy mash up. Hope you enjoyed it.