Oral Fix-Nation!

Every time I’ve tried to fall asleep for the past ten-or so years, I’ve spent the first twenty minutes–eyes closed–thinking the same thing; it takes the average person seven minutes to fall asleep.  Next, I decide it’s time to quit smoking. This goes on for another fifteen or so minutes before I get too stressed-out and need a cigarette. Last night I sat up in … Continue reading Oral Fix-Nation!

The Center of the Universe

Dave called me in a panic. “Hey Dave, what–” “Hey man, so, you’re pretty religious right?” “Uh,” I frowned at my open refrigerator, I closed it. “Yeah, Dave, I guess. I mean–I go to Church like everyone else.” There was a pause at the other end, one of those tense serious ones. “Dave?” “Yeah, yeah. So, you know, do you think Earth is the center … Continue reading The Center of the Universe

How I learned to Use Chopsticks

Sometimes I’ll look out of the window of a house in a movie and feel homesick. It will bring back memories that have nothing to do with the window. It brings back smells and muffled voices that become sharp and whole, and suddenly, I’m there, again. Eric is over. He knows how to use chopsticks. My father gives up first, forking chow-mein passed an outflow … Continue reading How I learned to Use Chopsticks

I Hit a Baby in the Face with a Bottle of Gin

I didn’t mean to, really. It wouldn’t have been so bad had I gotten beer–I meant to get beer. That woman, the shopkeeper, “the gin is on sale,” she said. So, I’ve now hit a baby in the face with a bottle of gin. It made a dink sound. “Shit!” I cried, as the baby hit the sidewalk. It could have only been in its … Continue reading I Hit a Baby in the Face with a Bottle of Gin