God’s TED Talk

ted's_god

As God, I try to create things–new and wonderful things that fit together in ways you can’t imagine. But first, I’d like to talk to you about something we all understand very well, failure. Failure and the power of mistakes.

I’m going to start off by telling you a little story about the first time I created life. You see–I always wanted to create something new. I wanted to find what I called The Factor. That aspect of life that made it more than just entertainment.

My first attempt at this was hunger.

(Laughter)

I know, it seems simple now, silly even–it gets worse. I created a species of life I called Migs. Migs were these small, rather adorable, creatures you can see here:

(Laughter)

Yes, I was not much on an artist in those days–but these adorable creatures didn’t last very long because I forgot one crucial piece of the puzzle. I didn’t create them with the knowledge of their own hunger, or how to satiate it. So, of course, they began eating the only thing they could think to eat–themselves. Don’t worry, I didn’t bring pictures of that.

(Laughter)

Needless to say, they didn’t last long and I was forced to start over. I refined hunger, directed it best I could and came out with the first human beings, as you can see here.

(Laughter)

Well, everything seemed okay, they lived, they ate. Then– nothing. And I mean nothing, they just sat around. Occasionally a clever one would take a bite out of another or someone would hit someone with a rock, but it was dull. So, I got back to thinking about that factor. I was sitting there watching one human hit another with a rock, over and over, and over. What started off as a promising–and I’ll admit, humorous endeavor suddenly became very bland. I was losing my funding, I was as low as I’ve been. Here, I made my second mistake. I reached down and crushed the rock-beater into nothing, right there in front of my other creations.

(Laughter)

What happened next astonished me. The other human beings gathered around. They looked up and down, they acted in all sorts of strange ways I’d never seen before. Before I could finish my research, funding was pulled and my project was scrapped. But it was from that mistake that I realized the factor, as you know it now; death.

So, I started over. I put together a proposal, got the funding and started again. I looked long and hard at my failures, my mistakes. I not only implemented an end to life but also gave my creations knowledge of their imminent end. The result, as you well know, produced the longest lasting single most entertaining project in history.

(Applause)

Last thing I’d like to leave you with is a message from my creations themselves: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet.”

 

25 replies to “God’s TED Talk”

    1. yeah, hm, being in Russia I don’t always hear about everything as much as I would if I were in the states so I completely forgot about what happened in vegas when I posted the story until my brother messaged me to remind me. We decided to post a different story in light of that. I’m glad you liked this one though.

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  3. Wow a lecture by the artist himself! Very impressive. Already the first sentence enchanted me! Almost a children’s story with the hunger monsters at the beginning!
    Hmmm, what a smart little fellow had to start to beat? But good news for all who suffer and got pain, that they will be strong and rewarded afterwards. The story could be standardized in the case of artists’ contributions for artists …; )..great job!

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    1. Thank you. Hm. Yes and no. Ideas were always my strong suit. I take notes obsessively throughout the day on pretty much everything I think about. I’ve been doing it for about ten years. I used to write a lot of longer stories and wrote a few books but I was poorly disciplined and didn’t know how to implement a lot of my ideas. Writing a flash story every day has helped me take the ideas I have and force me to use them and force me to find creative ways to keep them short. So for example this story was in my notes as God developing death as a school project because he wanted to create something new and different that other “creators” hadn’t thought of. So I was watching Ted talks and wanted to write a Joke Ted talk. So when I sat down to write and looked at my notes those two ideas popped out at me. Most of my stories come from two or more ideas that aren’t connected at first but I always read my notes and put useful notes into one document and as I do that the ideas kind of start to make sense together. Basically almost none of my stories are just me sitting down and going “aha!” It’s more like piecing together my thoughts days and sometimes years after having them. Writing every day has just made me better at turning those weird thoughts into stories.

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      1. Thank you for the detailed response and for showing me your process! That makes sense, I’ve been meaning to start taking notes myself but it’s kind of a pain without a cellphone at the moment. I mean I know I could carry around a notebook and pencil but I feel so awkward pulling that out in public lol.

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      2. Oh yeah I wouldn’t have the patience to use a pen and paper or be able to make so many notes. Also on my phone I can keep them for a long time and don’t have to worry about losing them. I look like a teenage girl sometimes when I have an idea I am trying to think through. It really helps a lot. And honestly. I’d rather look like a teenage girl than some guy obsessively writing notes with pen and paper in public it’s just too…yeah, awkward haha

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  5. Well done on a great TED. I think our presenter needs to pay more attention to detail in his grand projects – hey ‘life after death’ and all that jazz. I love the idea that ‘he’ finds it difficult to get funding for his plans, perhaps the reason his creations go slightly awry. When does ‘he’ move onto ‘artificial Intelligence’, will the funding be available? Can I live long enough to see his all of his wonders?

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    1. Yeah I think now he has proven himself to be worth the funding so who knows what he’ll do next. I think I’d like to see an afterlife too if it’s at all possible. Maybe artificial intelligence will put him out of a job haha who knows. I’m glad you liked it

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  8. Oh wow, this is incredible. You really need to put together a book of short stories if you have not already. I can honestly say I do not think there is a single story of yours that I have read that I have not enjoyed immensely

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    1. That’s fantastic to hear. When our challenge ends we will be working on the stories individually, making them the best they can be. Then we will compile two anthologies of the 100 best based in Russia and the 100 best miscellaneous. Then we will try pitching them to agents and publishers. And I’ll be sure to add some more stories into each. We don’t want to self publish a book so the only way we will do it is if we can attract the attention of someone who wants to publish us so we will see.

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