herpis

We stop in Ohio at what claims to be the largest antique mall in America. Though, in America, anything claiming to be the largest of anything should be taken with the largest grain of salt.

My brother and I finish perusing and loiter around the check-out counter while the woman wraps up a deck of cards for me. There are two big-old buffalo heads mounted to the wall above.

My brother looks up at one of the buffalo, it is a serious looking buffalo–grim, even.

“I–uh, I am sorry sir,” he says in a deep doctoral tone, “you have herpes.”

I look up at the other buffalo, it’s mouth wide open. I gasp, “Oh no!” Then I look to the deer head hanging beside him, she looks stunned, horrified, for some reason. In a girly voice I add, “It was your secretary!”

I gasp, my brother gasps.

The woman behind the counter finishes wrapping up my cards.

“Thank you very much,” I tell her.

She looks from me to my brother. “Mhm,” she says, toneless, limp-eyed. Our mother comes up behind us.

“What’d you get?” she asks.

I hope up my package. “cards.”

My brother points up at Doctor Buffalo, “Look, Ma, Doctor Buffalo just told gasping Buffalo that he has herpes.”

“And Deer-wife is surprised,” I point.

“It was the secretary,” my brother adds. Our mother looks from buffalo, to buffalo, to deer. She bursts out laughing, catching her breath as she places some antique sign onto the counter.

The limp-eyed check-out girl looks at the sign. She looks from my brother, to me, and finally back at our mother.

“Mhm,” she says.

I look over my Mother’s shoulder at the sign she bought. It is yellow.

“There is no such thing as a grown-up,” it says.

Man, did we get a kick out of that. The limp-eyed check-out girl was not impressed.

 

**Just for laughs:

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“Sir, you have herpes.”

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*GASP!*

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“It was your secretary!”

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Photo Credit: MOREBLUEBERRIES (My brother)

Check out more of his photography by clicking HERE

A Writer and an artist living in Russia

25 Comment on “There is No Such Thing as a Grown Up

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