What Happened When Frank Died: The Tree



Frank died.

Frank was a tree. Frank knew he was a tree because that’s just the sort of thing trees know. He was a big one too, somewhere warm. Frank could feel the world around him. He felt it in a way he never felt anything before and the only way he could think to describe it was, loud.

It’s in me! It’s damn in me, has been for weeks!

Frank heard it, or felt it, a voice. It was not a man, or a woman, it was a tree.

It will leave eventually, just grit your bark and bear it.

Don’t be that guy Bob, don’t be that guy who just changes idioms cause we’re are trees now, dammit bob.

Frank tried to butt in, excuse me?

I’m not being that guy! I’m making the best of it!

Bob Shut up! another tree called from somewhere in the distance.

Frank tried to make his voice louder, Hello! Guys?

Well, I think it’s important to keep positive.

What the hell is so positive about this Bob, a family of squirrels are crapping inside of me. Inside of me Bob!

Frank would have tensed or reddened with anger but, he didn’t, he was a tree. So, he yelled, WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON?

The other trees fell silent. Then, one spoke, softly.

Ah, a new one, sorry we’re all a bit fed up with being tre–

I’M NOT–I’m one with nature!

Shut up Bob! two or three of the other trees cried out.

Don’t listen to Bob. Being a tree sucks. You’re always cold, things crawl around in and on you and you can’t really see anything. You just have to sit and suck it up and listen to, well, mostly Bob. He was a dentist.

Frank could feel Bob, he was a couple trees to the left. Frank could feel his frustration.

Orthodontist, Bob growled.

Nice to meet you, Frank said, unable to think of anything else. They were right, he was cold–to the roots. Do, we–is everyone a tree?

Frank felt a collective sigh, Common question? Frank said, quickly.

Yeah, said one of the voices, I mean, when the wind is good we get some communications from other parts of the forest but it’s mostly just complaints. We’re all very bored–the worst kind of hell. You wouldn’t happen to know any jokes would you?

Frank tried to shake his leafy crown in response but just felt like staying silent for a bit. The other trees continued on with their complaining, occasionally berating Bob. One of them had some sort of rot, another had a woodpecker that amused itself all day, drilling holes. None of them spoke much about life before being a tree, Frank found himself understanding, there wasn’t a point. It was truly hell, no one wanted to remind each other of better times.

Then, one day, there came a sound. With it came a whistling wind of excitement.


The news spread through the forest like wildfire.

Oh come on baby, come on baby! Make me a book! Make me a house! Make me toilet paper, anything but a fucking tree!

All the trees called out their dreams and aspirations to be turned into a variety of buildings and household products. It sounded like begging, like crying, like the most desperate celebration on earth. Even Bob was calling out with the rest, I’m so excited I’ve got bark-bumps!

No one even told him to shut up.

Frank could only no-longer hear their exclamations as the sound of chainsaws filled the forest, like music.

**The last two episodes of “The Safest Summer Camp in the World” will finish this weekend. 


  1. The tree story is familiar to me. It’s been a long time since I read this story of you, Flash! I do not remember the title, but it was about choosing the next life, and the last “click” felt on a life as a tree. This is probably the continuation, or the conclusion of this story, or am I mistaken?
    One might think a life as a tree would not be too bad, but also there seems to be a better choice, or as toilet paper … hmmmm, sovereign as always Flash …

    Liked by 1 person

    • haha well you could see this as a continuation if you want. but it’s not meant to be. I just always hear people saying they want to come back as a tree and be one with nature and all that and i just thought ‘but what if being a tree kind of sucked?’

      Liked by 1 person

      • hahaha, yes i think beeing a tree sucks! I could hear me saying something like, next life a tree, when I´m really in a bad mood. This means self-pity in my case! I think everything is too much for me, I want just have peace, love and rest. A tree is a logical image for wishes like this. Fortunately my bad moods do not last for long, I just have to pay attention, that I do not “click” at this time…; )


      • I had to laugh a lot Flash, altough I could not really make my own story of it….but the tree-party at the end is very funny: “Oh come on baby, come on baby! Make me a book!”…I think your story would not please nature conservationists very much …. or perhaps, if interpretation is, that even the trees are “fed up to the back teeth”? ( Bob in first line!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • At some point I will look at the Italian rules of the plural “i” …:) why is the cactus particularly bad? Basically the spines are for protection or? So, bad people do not deserve, protection, right?


  2. First time reader. I’m amazed already. It is great no matter if it is a tree or whatever the item or matter chosen to cry out loud and paint with words the feeling or the situation. I hope I can start reading a lot more and also start learning how many others do. The way and the manners to express yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much. I’m glad you liked this one and I hope the rest of my work is as enjoyable. There is certainly a wide variety of stories so I hope you find the ones you like. Let me know when you do.


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