Q asked me to a drink.
“You can meet my American friends,” he told me.
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” he said, excited, “they are from Portland.”
“Oh.”
Q is already there when I arrive, a place not far from my apartment that serves only alcoholic cider.
His American friends turn out to be one guy and his absent girlfriend.
“She got sick off some vegan shawarma,” he tells us from under a mustache.
The ciders come; two Russian, one from the south of France.
“So, what are you doing in Russia?” The American asks.
I shrug. “A few things here and there.”
He nods. “Yeah, I am a teacher too. It’s really great, you know–rewarding.”
“Mhm.”
“So, why’d you pick Russia?”
“Dunno,” I say.
“Rad. Yeah–I love it here man. The culture is fascinating and so beautiful. Rich–you know, like, rich-rich. It’s so old and just–” he takes a breath, “just amazing place. People are so friendly! I mean and the language is so interesting! I was reading this article on Dostoevsky the other day–you know, to practice my Russian. It was talking about how Russian is an asophiocratical language–you know?”
“I–”
“Well anyways–I was so fascinated. How is your Russian?”
“Bad,” I say in Russian.
The American laughs. “That’s a shame–reminds me, I’ve been reading this great book. It’s called The Satirist Sat on a Goose Egg, by Gordon Fenris. Ever hear of him?”
I shake my head.
“Oh–he’s fantastic. It’s a satire about a satirist living on some farm in North Dakota.”
I drink my cider, waiting. It doesn’t take long.
The American looks at the label on his cider, nodding. “I love French cider. I saw this one in this docudrama about this French hair-growth specialist. It’s fascinating. Really good stuff.”
“Hair growth specialist?” Q asks.
The American smiles knowingly, “she is in charge of consulting on movies and TV shows to tell directors and writers how long hair should have grown when they jump ahead in post-apocalyptic and survival films.”
“Huh,” Q says. I nod my agreement, chasing down the bottom of my glass. We sit there for another hour learning about the therapeutic value of gutting fish, a painter who paints with their own feces, a Swedish rock group that only plays music by hooking their brains up to CT-scan machines; and a Troll article about how playing fetch with dogs should now be called handicapped-pass.
Outside, I have a cigarette. Q stares across the street at a suspicious looking goat.
“He was nice.”
I laugh. “He was a douche.”
Q frowns, “You’re too judgmental. He was an intelligent guy at least.”
I nod. “I knew an intelligent guy who could recite Shakespeare’s Macbeth, all of it–word for word.”
“So?”
“So, when we said goodbye, he said ‘peace fag,'” I toss away my cigarette, “so, there’s that.”
“What, that?”
“That, that.”
“What?”
“Never-mind.”
We start walking home,”Do you ever actually have a point?” Q asks.
I shrug. It starts to rain.
Reblogged this on crjen1958.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Only in Russia, you say!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha oh these guys are everywhere I’m pretty sure.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s ok by me, just keep your hand off my gold…
LikeLike
Just too beautifully written!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much, happy to hear it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Douche for sure! BTW what is the definition of ‘asophiocratical’ I couldn’t find it on Google…
Your stories are a little bit like biscuits; they’re all nice, they’re always nice, but they’re different. Today’s was definitely a fig roll!
LikeLiked by 2 people
hahaha I am glad. I like that, a fig roll. As for ‘asophiocratical’ it’s just made up nonsense. I did that to kind of poke fun at people who use these big words they know you don’t mean while also not knowing the meaning themselves. Basically they might as well be made up bullshit words because they serve no actual purpose in a conversation except the appearance of intellect. haha It was kind of my own little joke with myself, didn’t know if anyone would look it up.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! – I thought it must be, but you can never be quite sure that spellcheck hasn’t put an unintentional spin on it for you!
LikeLike
“Chasing down the bottom of my glass.” Just great.
LikeLike
I love how descriptive the dialogue is. Also enjoyed the artwork, black and white pieces are among my favorite.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much. Yes the past three stories have been part of a set of sorts. Nikita wanted to make three black and white portraits.
LikeLike
Hahaha, I had to laugh a lot..not because of the story…meetings like this are sad, because it is so boring…but your expressions were very funny……(the passage with the ” playing fetch with dogs ” were hard to understand, because the translation was absolutely “bullshit”…but very funny bullshit! I had already lot of such meetings…hahaha…my best was in Brasil a dinner…it was an intelligent German, whom my son threw his toy car to the head, because he just pretented to play with him…..you would have loved it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha yes I can see how that could translate in a strange way. haha I think your son has the right idea.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahaha…yes about this scene he is still proud ( he was only 2 or 3 years old) but I told him often, because I had really to laugh out loud..the man talked very important! things with my husband, and casually he pushed the toy car always back to my son…until….baaaang it bounced on his skull!…and the translation of your text was a potential hit!!!
LikeLike
points are for swords, blunts are for hu-mans!
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahaha between this comment and the last I’m beginning to develop a hankering for something…can’t quite put my finger on what.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have met people just like him! Very well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, yes I’m sure this is not the first or last time I’ll meet someone like this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I met that guy at a party in Melbourne just a couple of days ago. Or it was on a bus. Either way he certainly gets around. Didn’t say he was going to Russia. He should have told me. I could have warned you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah I think he did mention something about Australian politics…he seemed to be very very well informed. Unfortunately I could not hear him through the bottom of my glass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is brilliant. Really made me laugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha thank you. I am glad, it’s always a relief to laugh after meetings like this because all you want to do during is tear your ears off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Still waters run deep, shallow ones just babble and babble…
Good write!
LikeLiked by 2 people
so true…so so true. I love that saying, thank you.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on kirstwrites and commented:
I enjoyed this so much I thought it was worth a reblog. Great example of using dialogue to show not tell!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much. I am glad you liked it, it is based on a whole number of conversations I’ve had over the years with different people. Always wanted to try and capture that personality in a story.
LikeLike
You’re welcome. I think you did it brilliantly. I wanted to slap him!
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha good. me too
LikeLike
I’m a white guy from Portland. I talk like this sometimes. I guess I’m probably a douche.
Doesn’t matter. About 10 years ago, I moved to a mountain town in Colorado, pursuing a job. This is how
everyone here talks:
Them: “Man, last weekend I ran the Colorado River on a paddle board. It was such a rush. You like to paddle board?”
Me: “No. Never been on a paddle board. I’m not very coordinated.”
Them: “Oh yeah… well, hey, next week, I’m going on this ten mile hike through Zion that all my buddies do every year. We hike the whole thing naked. It’s very spiritual. You could come if you want.”
Me: “Hmm.. thanks, but no. I sunburn pretty easy.”
Them: “No big deal. Hey I heard about this place up in the woods where people gather and play a big Indian drum all night and dance around in paint and stuff. It’s all very primal. But you can only get there by rapelling down a 500 foot cliff face. I don’t know exactly where it is, but I’d love to find it. You ever heard about that?”
Me: “No. Sorry.”
Them: “All right dude, great talking to you! Enjoy the party!”
And then I never see them again. Maybe they fell off the cliff.
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha fair, everyone has their bit of douche. I am no saint. It seems you have to deal with your own particular brand. I too have met a few folks like that…maybe if everyone just thought a bit about what they were going to say before they say it, the world would be much less annoying.
LikeLike
Interesting portrayal Anand Bose from Kerala
LikeLiked by 1 person
great! thank you. I’ve met quite a few people like this so the image is quite clear in my head.
LikeLike
I like your aloofness, No pretense allows one to call a douche a douche
LikeLike
Hi great readiing your post
LikeLike