I had a student. My student had a friend. That friend had a job. That job had a job for me. So, my student’s friend told my student that his job had a job that I should call them about.
I said yes, confused.
“What’s the job?” I asked.
“Editorial work,” my student told me. Then added, “they pay well, you owe me a drink.”
And she was right. They did pay well, or said they’d pay well. It turned out to be a magazine for Trolls. One of those “under-the-bridge” magazines; the government was onto them a while ago.
As it turned out, trolls are a quite PC bunch.
The first article I was sent–passcode required–was entitled ‘When My Grandma Was Stoned, No One Giggled.’
The trolls seemed to have taken quite an issue with a great deal of modern lingo. (Including the word ‘lingo’ which as it turns out was the name of a well-respected basket-troll from the early 1800’s)
Personally, I didn’t care. I dislike slang and like money. (Slang and Money, coincidentally being the title of another article I was hired to edit.)
“Meet under bridge,” the text said, at the end of the month.
“Which bridge?” I asked.
“Nearest your home,” was the creepiest response I’ve ever received via text.
So, here I am. He comes up out of the water. He is big–stupid big–with jaundice hair. He is paler than I thought a troll might be. He doesn’t smile. He hands me a zip-lock bag full of cash. I take it. A number is written on the side, it is the right number. I nod. He nods.
“Good?” He says, in a deep accent.
I nod again. We stand beside each other a few more moments, awkward.
“There will be more work this month,” he growls before diving into the water, leaving a splash much smaller than him behind.
On my way back up to the surface I’m stopped. A hippopotamus, in uniform.
“Where are you going?” he asks, in Russian.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I tell him, in English.
“Where you going?” he asks, in English
“My tour group, can you help me find my tour group!” I say, bleary eyed, looking around.
The Hippo sighs.
“Go,” he says. I walk past him, heart pounding. He grabs my arm, I stop. He points back the way I came. His eyes go wide.
“There be a troll,” is what I imagine he would have said if a troll had not, at that moment, leapt up and bit off his head.
So, I run. As I do, the troll calls something after me.
But, I don’t catch it, of course; his mouth is full.
The things we do to earn a living…I hope the Billy Goats Gruff didn’t see you; they’re a bunch of mean dudes!
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Haha. I’m trying to think of a way to tie them in. Stay tuned.
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thanks penny, it´s about “eat-me-when-I’m-fatter”?
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Based, loosely.
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“Meet under bridge,” the text said, at the end of the month.
“Which bridge?” I asked.
“Nearest your home,” was the creepiest response I’ve ever received via text.
Very creepy. This explains how we humans really struggle to earn a living.
I’m your #1 fan.
Patrick Lumumba
abonyopl.wordpress.com
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Haha thank you very much. I am glad you enjoy my work. This is somewhat based on a true story that maybe I’ll write someday
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I have to say this one just is perfect. I love it. Laughing and I also would love to get the perspective of the Three Billy Goats Gruff.
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Haha alright. I’ll see what I can do. I’m glad you liked it.
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Ha, love this! A vibrant journey of images. You never know what is round the next corner. Or under the next bridge, for that matter.
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Haha thank you very much. Glad you enjoyed it.
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When I saw the illustration, I would have bet, that it would not be creepy this time …. hahaha … but I should have known better. “Under the bridge downtown” is not a good sign. Makeing something just because of money also not, and not at all for someone, who you do not like! Again a big pleasure to read, Flash! Thank you!
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Haha thank you very much. And yes I love the picture. It makes the story so much more entertaining in my head to picture the troll like this
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Talking with his mouth full… how rude 😉
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I know. In my opinion that was by far the worst thing he did.
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I still have my collection of troll dolls from when I was a kid. Bad dreams tonight.
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Aww. Sorry for the bad dreams. Those things can be quite sinister.
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Brilliant one. One of my top favorite blogs. I’m enjoying this so much! Thank you.
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Thank you very much we are happy to hear it. We try to keep everything as high quality as we can make it and will continue to do so the best we can.
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Yay! I’ll keep coming back 🙂
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Happy to hear it
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I love this, way cool, thank you!!! 🙂
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Glad to hear it. Thank you.
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This is so good! And the illustrations in every post is intriguing!
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Thank you very much. I will pass your compliments on to Nikita. They are fantastic, I know. They surprise me every day.
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