Happy Fourth, Mr. President


Kurt Vonnegut sat on his porch in Northampton committing suicide by cigarette; Pall Malls. It was an authentic sort of suicide. He was an authentic sort of man.

It was the Fourth of July. He’d only just come back from speaking about one thing or another. As he’d walked out of the hall, a young woman had approached him.

“Mr. Vonnegut?” she’d asked.

He’d turned.

“What’s your next book going to be?”

He thought of the date, he thought of a man.

“Happy Fourth, Mr. President,” he decided, as it seemed the kind of title publishers would likely order, and audiences would likely eat up.

The girl had smiled. Really, his next book had nothing at all to do with presidents, fourths, or Julys, but it was just the kind of loud day where nothing more needed to be said by anyone, especially him. So later, he only sat and only thought: what if I were to write a book called Happy Fourth, Mr. President.

I’d make him a monkey, he thought, smiling. Then, no, he thought, too absurd. But, he’d have to be orange he decided. Aliens–no, not again.

He watched his neighbor mow down a daisy patch.

“Business man!” he said, to himself, his voice not loud enough to impact the day. But, not any business man. He thought longer, not interested, but not bothered. An orange business man who tries to turn America into a corporation, maybe. A sexist, maybe. Though, perhaps even that would be a bit much. A liar, certainly, but sexism had been going out of style, even for presidents.

The character grew in his mind. It began doing things, making outrageous claims; filling up television screens, pissing off the world, and so on.

“Oh what a loud day that would be,” he decided, before mowing the idea down like a daisy patch in favor of something a bit more reasonable.


  1. hahaha…bravo…the promised funny story…I enjoyed a lot! here my favorits:
    -just the kind of loud day where nothing more needed to be said by anyone, especially him.
    -But, he’d have to be orange he decided. Aliens–no, not again, he thought next.
    -sexism had been going out of style, even for presidents. Thanx flash!

    Liked by 2 people

    • This fits perfect, not? A visionary author is requested! Billy Pilgrim would surely also be funny, but then flash could not have chosen the author role for him.

      Liked by 1 person

    • He really was. He influenced me a lot. I own all of his books. I used to be really obsessed with him and I always aspire to his quality of work. Maybe one day I’ll get there but for now he is still an inspiration. In more things than writing.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I did´t read a book of him yet. I just read a summary of Slaughterhouse-Five. It sounds very interessting. I think it could have been funny, if Billy Pilgrimbeen met your “Happy Fourth, Mr. President” in his story.

        Liked by 1 person

      • yeah reality can be stranger than fiction. But in fact, at the end, he quitted his idea of the story. So he did not write!
        So this orange man, we think we know him, is not his invention. He was scared writing about this…too unrealistic? What a pity. It would have been a bestseller. We never know, what the future brings and we never can change the past. But we have to move on at present. In my opinion he just had to reflect one more time. What does he want to achieve with this story, and write it in this manner.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a proud American. I was in the military and served my country faithfully… and this type of writing sir…is just about the greatest thing I have ever read. Kurt Vonnegut would be proud. People believe the orange man is telling us we will be #1 yet they do not see what finger he is sticking up.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you very much. And thank you for commenting. This story is something I was a bit worried to write because I wanted to be able to capture Vonnegut while at the same time making a point without being too…ham fisted? So, thank you again.

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s