Intrusive Thoughts

thoughts

I reach for a cigarette, almost burning myself on my already lit cigarette. I am bored. With murderous frustration, I snuff out the lit one and stand up.

“I’m going to get a coffee!” I call to N.

“You just got back from getting a coffee,” he reminds me.

I pretend not to hear him. The shop isn’t far. I smoke half a cigarette on the way. The sun is bitchy today. I forgot my sunglasses. The shop is small. A woman–no, girl–is the only one in line. I wait. The barista chats away to her as she swirls cappuccino foam artfully atop a bit of harsh coffee.

I scratch one finger with another.

Finally, the coffee is placed in front of the not-woman. She says thank you. I open my mouth in preparation. Only to find, they are still chatting. The not-woman is opening a packet of sugar with sloth-like determination. An image flashes in my mind. I reach up, grab her head and snap it quickly to the left, in Van Damme style.

I shake my head, cowering from the thought. Yet, again I watch her open a second packet of sugar, like a scientist, underwater.

I picture taking a match to the back of her skirt. Then ordering my coffee as she runs, screaming, aflame, into the road where a bus runs her down; sticky with melted sugar.

“Ah–” I find myself crying out. The barista frowns at me. I shake my head apologetically. The not-woman doesn’t notice. She is saying something about her dog, hand sighing gently toward the bowl of sugar packets.

Unable to stop it, my mind starts playing a movie, she is the star. There is a bear, a number of weapons. I shut my eyes, hard.

“I’m a terrible person,” I whisper. “What is wrong with me!”

The not-woman turns now. Both her and the barista are staring at me, annoyed looks across their faces.

“Sorry,” I mutter, then flee. The sun heats the back of my neck. I make it back home, lock the door. N is in his room, drawing.

“Hey,” I say, flopping down on the couch. “You know, you’re the best friend in the world. And really an amazing artist.”

He turns, frowning. “Had thoughts about irrationally murdering someone over something petty?”

I look at him, wide eyed. “How’d you know?”

He turns back to drawing. “You always say things like that just before trying to have a conversation about intrusive thoughts. So, you know, two and two.”

I sigh. “Ah, right. Well, do you have intrusive thoughts?”

N shrugs. “I, well, some–”

My phone rings. I hold up a hand.

“It’s my mother.”

N nods. I pick up my phone and head into the other room.

“Hey Ma, what’s up?”

“Oh,” she says, “nothing really. Just wanted to call and say you’re such a good son and I really miss you.”

 

22 replies to “Intrusive Thoughts”

      4. Thank you. I’m glad you think so. I know I am pretty good sometimes but I really worry that I’ll never be good enough or that I’ll lose what I have. Hopefully not. I’d like to make my living out of writing and that will take more than pretty good.

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  7. Hi! Would it be okay for me to reblog this post tomorrow, please? I’d like to introduce your writing to my followers.
    All the best
    Penny

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  8. Reblogged this on Autumn Leaves and commented:
    My guest post today is a piece of humorous flash fiction titled “Intrusive thoughts”. The writer’s name “Flash 365” comes from a challenge he set himself to publish a piece of fiction every day for a year. I like his writing because it shows a wry sense of humour, a keen eye for the everyday absurd, and a beautiful ear for dialogue and its associated subtext. Plus, it makes me laugh!

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    1. Haha. this is very kind. Thank you a lot. And the greatest compliment I can receive is that I can make you laugh. I love that. Hopefully I can continue doing it for the rest of this year. Then, who knows maybe I can write something a bit longer.

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