I moved into my own body at around twenty-three, only to find myself embarrassed and horrified at the nonsense it had been getting up to.
Especially my mouth.
I was in a club. It was dark. It was late. The Irish man I was talking to looked deep into my eyes.
“You know, I thought you were a decent guy. But you’re kind of a piece of shit,” he repeated. My mouth had just said “what?” even though my ears had been working perfectly fine.
I looked down at my hands. If my mouth has been pulling this shit, what have you bastards been up to, I thought. I used my hands to feel my ears, my nose, my hair.
When was the last time I got a haircut?
I looked back at the Irishman.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, “I had a rough childhood.”
What the hell are you talking about? I thought at my mouth.
“Stop it!” I cried.
The Irishman frowned at me.
“What?”
“Not you! Myself. I’m just really–ah!”
I cut myself off before lying again. I tested my feet, they worked as I expected. I turned around and ran to the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror. My eyes, pupils dilated, my shirt open way too far. I buttoned it. I splashed water on my face.
Not enough.
I walked to the stalls. The big one, even though I wasn’t handicapped. I tore off all of my clothes. I looked down at myself; covered in hair, full of drugs and beer.
“What the hell have you been getting up to?” I asked my nipples. They ignored me. My penis cowered between my legs.
“You’re certainly not innocent!” I remonstrated.
I looked at my toes, unclipped, dirty. I wanted to punish my own body, but I was trapped in it, now.
“I’m ashamed at you!” I told my body as I examined twenty-three years of memories; twenty-three years of no one behind the wheel of this suicidal sack of meat. I put my pants back on. My shirt, too.
“Things are about to change around here!” I proclaimed.
I meant it.
I forget what happened next.
Flash-365 
https://waldotomosky.wordpress.com/2013/07/07/alex-in-blunderland-episode-5/
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‘I forget what happened next’………………I once promised my self not to fall in love with another blonde. I know what happened next.
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haha you understand me all too well.
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Thought provoking. Good work.
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Thank you very much
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This is fantastic!! And I love the poignant hilarity of the last line!!
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Haha thank you. I’m glad you think so. I didn’t really know how it was going to end when I started. Just sort of made sense.
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I love the whole thing. The ending is perfect.
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Please can you help me boost my site?
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I can’t see your site…what is it?
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What do u mean?
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I mean. What do you do? Do you write? Art? Can you link me your site so I can see it?
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http://badbecause.com
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is that link ok?
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Fab, I need to have a word with my body, it is letting the side down, especially the stomach, it seems to be increasing in size….
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haha yes. This story was when I was 23. Now my body and I are getting around to that talk.
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This is the first story I’ve ever read from you guys (I’m a new fan, stumbled upon this blog post).
When I read the first line, “I moved into my own body at around twenty-three, only to find myself embarrassed and horrified at the nonsense it had been up to”, my attention was successfully grabbed. I think I liked that line so much because of it oddity, and how the commentary still remains quite realistic.
I moved into my own body at the age of fourteen, when I immigrated to North America. That was when I stopped thinking in small scales 🙂 .
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Thank you. I’m really glad this struck you in some way. Thanks for giving it a read and I really like that last line of yours. Feel free to turn it into a story of your own if you’d like.
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