Hank and I sat at the Chinese restaurant near our place.

“This place got closed down three times for serving minors,” he tells me, drawing a picture of what looks like an egg.

“How does that even happen?” I wonder, tearing a chicken wing in half. Hank shrugs.

The waitress passes.

“Excuse me?”

She turns.

“Can I get a mai-tai?”

She nods an walks off.

I frown after her. “Unbelievable,” I mutter. I look back at Hank. He has chopsticks in one hand, pen in the other.

“I want to be ambidextrous,” he informs me. He starts drawing with one hand and eating with the other. A couple of three legged dogs dancing the waltz would have been more elegant. He doesn’t seem bothered.

“I don’t think that is something you just choose, Hank.”

He looks up. “Why not?”

“Well, I don’t know. Just one of those things.”

Hank thinks about it. “Piss on that,” he decides. He goes back to his dance. After a bit, he holds up the napkin he’d been drawing on.

I squint at it; lines and circles.

“What is it?”

He looks at it then at me. “Its people having sex.”

I look closer. “Right.”

Hank smiles. “You see, this way I can draw my porn and masturbate at the same time!”

Something clunks down on the edge of the table. I look up, the waitress looks at me, then at Hank. He smiles. She looks at me again, then scampers off.

Hank goes back to drawing. I take a sip of the mai-tai, it’s strong.

“Dude, I really don’t think you’re just going to be able to make yourself ambidextrous.”

Hank looks up at me, pen still moving, mouth full of noodles.

“And you’re not old enough to drink in bars,” he informs me.

He looks back to his stick figure porn. I think about it. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t find the words to argue.

I decide to go looking for them at the bottom of my glass.

*For more conversations with Hank, click here.

A Writer and an artist living in Russia

24 Comment on “Ambidextrous Pornography

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