I’m Gonna Bang Me Some Dudes

hank_1

I sat on the couch watching Prison Break, for reasons I’ll never recollect.

Hank stumbles in from the hall. He plops on the couch next to me. He is shorter than me, hairy; wrestled in high school. He doesn’t look like a Hank. He frowns.

“Why are you watching this?”

“I don’t know,” I tell him.

He sighs, more of a pout.

“What’s up?” I ask, hitting pause.

“Carrie isn’t responding. Again.”

I put a hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe she’s pooping?” I say, trying to be helpful.

He hangs his head.

“No.”

He is silent. I’m about to hit play when he looks up. He smiles.

“You know, if this doesn’t work out, I think I’ll go and bang me some dudes.”

“Cool,” I tell him.

“Really.”

“I believe you.”

He looks out the window, thoughtful.

“You know, it’d be nice. We could play video games and then blow each other.”

I look around for my drink. It’s somewhere.

Hank’s smile has grown by the time I find it and sit back up. He looks like a mad scientist on the brink of a discovery.

“There’d be no more games! Only video games. No game, games!”

I drink and nod simultaneously. Something spills on my shirt. I cough. Hank stands up, triumphant. The apartment door opens. Our roommate Mike walks in. He looks at Hank, then at me.

“What’s up?”

Hank invites me to explain with a wave of his hand.

“Uh, Hank is going to go out and bang him some dudes.”

“If it doesn’t work out with Carrie,” Hank corrects me.

I nod. “Right, if it doesn’t work out with Carrie.”

Mike looks at Hank, then back to me, then gives Hank a thumbs up.

“Good-luck with that man.”

Hank stands up, takes a breath, and struts back to his room.

Mike watches Hank go. He sits down on the couch next to me. I hit play.

“What’re you watching?”

“Prison Break.”

He frowns. “Why?”

“Haven’t a damn clue.”

 

*For more conversations with Hank, click here.

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