Invest in Braille

The world ending is a slow news day.

A bit faster than the ousting of a third world tyrant, but quite a bit slower than a celebrity wedding.

The astronomers were the first to realize. They tried to warn people in a series of boring essays entitled ‘Where Have All the Stars Gone?’ which most people assumed were about the lack of talent in Hollywood.

It had begun a while ago in fact. Orion would lose his belt; the big dipper, its spoon. Eventually they all disappeared as though some cosmic Pied Piper had begun whistling a tune on the other side of the universe.

The next ones to notice were the cats. They would sit at the window at night meowing away until their owners got up to get some tuna out of the fridge. And it was only after the tuna had gone tepid and crusty and the cats had not relented that their owners joined them at the window to see what all the fuss was about.

It was finally confirmed in an Entertainment Now article “Why my Cat Wouldn’t Eat His Tuna.” The article reminded the world that the sun was itself a star.

The government reacted immediately by setting up a think-tank of the world’s most respected astrologists.  They convened each night for a month and in that time the sun had slowly began to fade, as you might during a mediocre movie that’s gone on a bit too long.

In the final days a theory was posited. The stars need us as much as we need them.

Why? People asked. Some believed that it was because we are the center of the universe, but those were generally the types of people attending celebrity weddings and didn’t have the time to get wrapped up in the debate.

So, the government directed its funding to the scientific community.

And there it was.

A compound in the eye capable of feeding a light source. It was discovered by the luminary Dr. Wagner who then created the lottery. The lottery was a 50/50 pull that set you up as either a donor or a caretaker. Donors would report to the lottery centers with their caretaker the following day for the removal of their eyes. Those eyes would then be shot into the sun.

By the time the rocket was finished the sun was little more than a pin hole in the sky.

All that was left was the countdown.

Every open area on earth was packed with people holding hands and facing the sky, the blind and sighted alike. When the rocket collided with sun. It began to glow. It glowed brighter, and brighter. The whole world cheered.

The blind danced aimlessly and threw their hands in the air, crying with joy. It wasn’t until their breath was used up that they heard the screams of the sighted. The sun shone brighter than ever.

The whole world went blind

 

7 comments

  1. Not a typical post, Ben but still a high quality piece with typical flash fare and flair. The opening line and mediocre movie quip in particular bringing beams. You have a rich talent for writing and the fellow writer who said you are quite possibly the funniest blogger in the world won’t get an arguement from me.:)

    Like

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